Why you should be kind to your Mother
They range from the saintly to the evil, but let’s concentrate on the average: we’ll call her simply ‘Mother’.
If the transformation of her body was not enough of a fright, the shock-and-awe barrage of pain she endured bringing you into the world surely should have killed her.
Or at least made her jaded.
Yet ‘Mother’ seems the least jaded creature in the universe.
Want to be a ballerina? Sure! Mother will starch your tutu and sit through the excruciating murder of Swan Lake in a wind-whipped school hall while studiously avoiding your elephant knees and mule-like grace.
Bend it like Beckham? Absolutely! She’ll pretend to marvel at the angle of your kick when she’d much rather be examining the curve of the straw in a tall G&T.
Later, she might learn squash or chess in order to spend quality time. She’ll pretend to like skateboard moves, reality TV and cramped clothing stores with doof doof music.
One day, you’ll fly the coup and leave her to reinvent herself so be gentle and try to leave her sane so she won’t embarrass you when you’re playing in the grand final or pirouetting at the Sydney Opera House.